As a manager, you are charged with developing, overseeing, and caring for human beings. This includes delivering constructive, clear, concise, and easily understood feedback. Unfortunately, one of the greatest workplace tragedies of the last century is the prevalence of managers who substitute legitimate feedback with name-calling, criticism, opinions, complaints, hidden resentments, and passive-aggressive sarcasm. This article aims to help you elevate your feedback skills so your team can benefit from your increased ability to support their growth.
To deliver effective feedback, focus on behavior.
Rules to Follow When Giving Feedback
Here are some guiding principles to ensure feedback is behavior-focused:
- Feedback provides a behavioral response to a stimulus. The employee’s behavior is the stimulus, and feedback communicates how it was perceived.
- Effective feedback focuses exclusively on observable behavior.
- Feedback explains the effect the behavior had on you.
Focus on Behavior
For managers new to delivering professional feedback, using a script or model can be helpful. My favorite approach comes from Manager Tools1. Here are two versions:
- When you _______, then what happens is ____________.
- When you _______, it seems to me that ____________.
After the phrase “when you,” describe a specific behavior the employee demonstrated. This must be an observable action, not a subjective interpretation. Focusing on behavior is crucial—without it, you are not giving feedback but merely criticizing.
Learn to distinguish between behaviors—observable actions you can describe or quote precisely—and conclusions, which reflect your or others’ feelings, thoughts, opinions, or assumptions.
| Behaviors (Observable Actions) | Conclusions (Subjective Interpretations) |
|---|---|
| When you talk loudly | When you are rude |
| When you say, “Hey, you dummies…” | When you are defensive |
| When you fold your arms, cross your legs, and roll your eyes | When you are condescending and arrogant |
| When you say, “That’s a stupid idea…” | When you don’t want to hear other people’s input |
| When you interrupt someone and say, “No!” loudly | When you talk down to people |
Giving feedback based on conclusions invites arguments. For example:
“I was not condescending. I was just informing them of the truth.”
If you cannot identify the behavior that led to your conclusion, consider the possibility that no feedback is warranted. Citing specific behaviors, observed and quoted exactly, makes feedback far more effective.
Reversing Feedback
When you receive criticism, I recommend reversing the feedback model to uncover specific behaviors. For instance:
“You were very arrogant in that meeting”
This is not effective feedback—it’s name-calling. Instead, ask:
“What did I say or do that led you to conclude I was arrogant? Was it my words, tone of voice, body language… what exactly?”
One of two things will happen:
- You will receive actionable feedback you can use.
- The person will struggle to respond, revealing they have no specific feedback to give and were possibly projecting or attempting to manipulate.
Either way, you’ll leave the exchange better informed, without needing to accept vague criticism or engage in fruitless arguments.
Why Behavior-Focused Feedback Matters
By focusing on behavior, your feedback becomes far more powerful. You’re no longer holding others accountable for your emotional reactions or assumptions. Instead, you’re informing them that when they do X, you tend to do Y.
Behavior → Response.
With this approach, your feedback is clear, actionable, and effective—helping you support the development and success of your team.
- Manager Tools. (2005). Manager Tools. Retrieved January 4, 2025, from https://www.manager-tools.com/manager-tools-basics
Mark Horstman and Mike Auzenne host the Manager Tools podcast and run a consulting service offering advice to everyone from new line managers who were previously engineers to the C-suite looking to improve their management ability. The page linked has their advice on feedback, one on ones, delegation, and coaching the Management Trinity. Yes, there are four things in the trinity – it’s an inside joke. I learned so much from these guys early in my career. I highly recommend them to you. ↩︎